Are you looking for true financial freedom? How would you like to retire early? Tired of your boring job, your boss from hell and your daily commute?
Well get over it, because your life doesn't get any better.

Welcome to Freedom 85! Where life is lived one day at a time. Where working is not just an option, but the only option.

Can you say, "Welcome to Walmart?" Well, you better start practicing....

Saturday, October 17, 2009

EXTRA!! EXTRA!!! WORK SUCKS!!!! Read all about it.....

I was driving in to work yesterday and listening to the CBC.  Hana Gartner had an interesting discussion on The Current about retirement, the fight to end mandatory, how as we age, we will all have to keep on working, only thing different will be that more and more of the work we do, will be unpaid.
Pt 3: Retirement - So much for Freedom 55. According to a new study, working after you retire, even just a little bit, can make you healthier and happier than people who don't.

It was generally agreed that since work takes up such a large percentage of our lives, that we owe ourselves to find work that we love, or at the very least, we can tolerate for 8 plus hours a day plus commute time.

So to summarize, "retirement" is a concept that no longer exists, "mandatory retirement" is an ageist conspiracy to keep the aged poor and in need of support, work is something we should love, and in the future, we will work for less and less money.

In other news, man botches home circumscision. Judges rules 4 year old cannot give consent.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Even the Financial Post knows it's all a con!

Good to go?
Most Boomers' retirement plans 'going nowhere'
Former engineer and financial planner Jim Otar says most Baby Boomers have not saved enough to retire comfortably and should plan to remain in the workforce quite a bit longer.1
What is interesting about this story is two things.
First, the National Post/Financial Post is finally catching on to the whole retirement con job fantasy that is routinely shoved down our throats. Secondly, author Jim Otar warns that most Baby Boomers are in the "red zone", and that they would be " well-advised to find a new career they can enjoy into old age."

What the hell do you think we've been talking about here at Freedom 85????

1 Jonathan Chevreau, National PostPublished: Saturday, August 22, 2009

Homer vs. Dignity season 12 The Simpsons

A financial consultant visits Chief Wiggum, informing him that he has not planned for retirement.
"You know how it is with cops."
"I'll get shot three days before retirement."
"In the business we call it irony."

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Quarantined because you're too old????

In the not too distant future, people beyond a certain state dictated age will be rounded up and quarantined from the general populace. They will be fed a sub-standard subsistence diet, and although they will be allowed visitors, they will rarely have them.
Any money they have accumulated in their life will be expropriated to pay for their "care". A small stipend will remain in their hands as long as they can notice it. Once they are distracted, even this will disappear.
At night, the women will have "visitors", who will rummage through their belongings, and ocassionally touch them in ways that they might have considered inappropriate. The men that survive, and there will not be many, will all be left to their own devices.
This is because they will have grown many strange hairs on their bodies that would require grooming, if anybody still cared, and they will have started to emit an unpleasant odour that can only be described as somewhere between ferment and decay.
In the afternoons, they will gather to place various games of chance. Some will board buses, that will take them to official places that promise more than they deliver.

These vestiges of humanity will be known as "The Lucky Ones".

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Another day older and deeper

So low you can't crawl under it
So high you can't crawl over it, So wide you can't get around, So deep in debt you'll never get out it.
With age comes maturity. And debt. Particularly with wages staying the same, costs increasing, and no savings. Credit like crack cocaine.
Give up. You can't win. The game is rigged. The house always wins.
Freedom 85 is your only hope.
Freedom 85 is all you can afford.
Freedom 85. It's all you could want. It's all you have.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Hold Until Maturity

What are you going to be when you grow up? What do you want to do when you grow up?

Do you want to grow up? What do you do if you are grown up, and still can't decide what you are

going to be, or what you want to do?

Financial analysts advise that certain securities must be held until maturity to realize, and I stress the point here, any kind of reasonable return.

Translation: they really have no clue, no more than you or Maggie the proverbial Monkey. They just want your money, and they might give it back to you at maturity.

Freedom 85 offers no security, and no maturity, as we are the generation that refuses to age.

The only way we have something to hold until maturity is to wrap our arms tight around ourselves and squeeze. If you have someone in your life you share intimacy with, wrap your arms around them and squeeze. Hold me until maturity.

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Deer in the Headlights?

Ever feel that life is coming at you like a speeding car in a tunnel? And you're the deer in the headlights? You stop and your life flashes before your eyes. Has it all been worthwhile? Do you have regrets- too few to mention?
It takes all your energy just to get through the day. Forget about tomorrow or the "future", whatever that may be. You see, there is no future. No future, No future for you.
This is not a bad thing; it is just what it is.

Freedom85 won't help you plan for your retirement.

Freedom85 does not offer any security, and you will definitely not make any money.

Freedom85 does not increase the size of your penis, exfoliate your skin, or help you meet the man of your dreams.

Freedom85 will not help you in any way.

Which is why you need it so desperately.

Sign up today.

This offer is not available in stores.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Alternatives to Greeter gigs

At Freedom 85, your future is important to us. We understand why you have not planned for it. You have no savings, because you need every penny just to get by, or to take your mind off the fact that you are going nowhere fast with a future that surely will include working until you die.
Retirement? Seemingly this is a concept whose time is now past. I've been practicing my greetings for the eventual gig at Walmarts or Applebees.
But now with Freedom 85, there is an alternative to endless greeter gigs. You can dream of becoming the oldest barista.
Latte, schmatte. You'll take a regular coffee, and you'll like it.
Cream or sugar? Listen, fatty, take it black and get in line.
You want the cd or the download card?
I thought this was a coffee shop.
You call that a tip?
Why I oughta......


Are you down with your peeps? Livin' large? Before Norman Mailer coined his "White Negro" concept in the 60's, aging hipsters have adopted (read "lifted") black culture to make themselves more authentic or cool.

This is about as dangerous as a marshmallow rabbit at Easter.

If there is anything more stupid than suburban white kids dressing like Original Ganstas, it would be the orginals. Pull up your pants, and try buying clothes that actually fit.

This is part of the same logic that makes grown adults think that saving for their retirement
is actually a good idea. Forget saving for the future- it is already here.

Can I get that for you in a pump or a loafer?

Winning the Lottery

Ever dream of winning the big one? Do you faithfully buy a ticket each week? What is your system? Lucky numbers, the same numbers each week, random picks?
Do you daydream at work about relaxing on a beach drinking Coronas with the new receptionist?
Why not sleep in til noon, then go golfing everyday, drinking with the regulars at the 19th hole.

All this and more could be yours.

Yeah right. In your fucking dreams!

With Freedom 85, you have a slight chance of being the only one who doesn't get the office cold going round.