Alternatives to Greeter gigs

At Freedom 85, your future is important to us. We understand why you have not planned for it. You have no savings, because you need every penny just to get by, or to take your mind off the fact that you are going nowhere fast with a future that surely will include working until you die.
Retirement? Seemingly this is a concept whose time is now past. I've been practicing my greetings for the eventual gig at Walmarts or Applebees.
But now with Freedom 85, there is an alternative to endless greeter gigs. You can dream of becoming the oldest barista.
Latte, schmatte. You'll take a regular coffee, and you'll like it.
Cream or sugar? Listen, fatty, take it black and get in line.
You want the cd or the download card?
I thought this was a coffee shop.
You call that a tip?
Why I oughta......

Peeps

Are you down with your peeps? Livin' large? Before Norman Mailer coined his "White Negro" concept in the 60's, aging hipsters have adopted (read "lifted") black culture to make themselves more authentic or cool.

This is about as dangerous as a marshmallow rabbit at Easter.

If there is anything more stupid than suburban white kids dressing like Original Ganstas, it would be the orginals. Pull up your pants, and try buying clothes that actually fit.

This is part of the same logic that makes grown adults think that saving for their retirement
is actually a good idea. Forget saving for the future- it is already here.

Can I get that for you in a pump or a loafer?

Winning the Lottery

Ever dream of winning the big one? Do you faithfully buy a ticket each week? What is your system? Lucky numbers, the same numbers each week, random picks?
Do you daydream at work about relaxing on a beach drinking Coronas with the new receptionist?
Why not sleep in til noon, then go golfing everyday, drinking with the regulars at the 19th hole.

All this and more could be yours.

Yeah right. In your fucking dreams!

With Freedom 85, you have a slight chance of being the only one who doesn't get the office cold going round.