Alternatives to Greeter gigs

At Freedom 85, your future is important to us. We understand why you have not planned for it. You have no savings, because you need every penny just to get by, or to take your mind off the fact that you are going nowhere fast with a future that surely will include working until you die.
Retirement? Seemingly this is a concept whose time is now past. I've been practicing my greetings for the eventual gig at Walmarts or Applebees.
But now with Freedom 85, there is an alternative to endless greeter gigs. You can dream of becoming the oldest barista.
Latte, schmatte. You'll take a regular coffee, and you'll like it.
Cream or sugar? Listen, fatty, take it black and get in line.
You want the cd or the download card?
I thought this was a coffee shop.
You call that a tip?
Why I oughta......